Sex is a form of honesty that not all people are ready to divulge to one another.
Rape is a complete perversion of this honesty by taking a person and spilling all of their secrets in front of them through the sway of fear & power & control.
The vulnerability that we place ourselves in while having sex (our nudeness, our admittance & indulgence in pleasure, our honesty about pain and learning to give and take equally) it all takes perfect honesty & trust & care for the other person to be fully enjoyable.
Anyone can beat their bishop (or another’s) and still cum, but can they say they know themselves or their partner better as a result? Do you value that truth or a cheap night on the walk of shame to endless wanting?
Reversely, sex should be a kind of milestone for certain, worthy relationships, from each interaction we have with individuals our emotions follow a special train of logic.
We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. We’re all struggling in our own ways and celebrating as well. Right off, we are friends with each acquaintance we find it fit to continue interacting with. When you first encounter a new person, something about them or the energy between both of you clicks and causes you to crave their presence again. Whether simple attraction to their personality (or their person), shared interests or a deeper -albeit, rarer- connection in which you have a moment of feeling understood and accepted.
Through mutual experiences we build empathy & compassion which fosters care for the other:
Over time we get to experience the different voices within a person – their cautious voice, perhaps the voice of their parents; the adventurous voice that sings and screams with dreams and the creative spirit; their feeling voice – a bit softer than the others and quite like a turtle popping out of its shell limb by limb, until much of their movement is shown to you; the hardest perhaps is the selfish voice (that all humans possess) that we feel uncomfortable seeing spring from another’s mouth. Every voice that makes up their person exposes us to the complete individual at hand, and it takes time to experience all of these voices, in which not every moment is enjoyable.
What makes the less enjoyable moments tolerable is understanding. When we are shown the mouth that speaks each voice, and we begin to understand motives and lifelong baggage that sculpted the human before us. Though some tones hit our faces harshly, we see the shrill formation of lips that harness the banshee screech. Perhaps we come to relate to it, making dissonant harmonies with our own warbling notes.
Through time spent together, learning, feeling out the shapes that enclose each other – sometimes being wrong, sometimes feeling right – we encounter each other at highs and lows. When one hand goes slack, the other tightens. When we hit a depression, perhaps together, we see ourselves in the other. We begin to become sensitive to their vulnerabilities; to their insecure ego.
When we openly care for each other, tender feelings of affection may be expressed through the natural inclination to love our fellow human. These are manifested through hugs, kisses, simple touches. Closeness even – the will to be nearer to someone. HOWEVER with these expressions comes greater vulnerability; we must trust the other not to hurt us with the truths we have exhibited to them. Through continued cultivation of trust and care, we become something like family. We look out for one another, are more willing to give freely to the person – sharing our possessions as well as emotions, because we can trust that person to treat them gently and respectfully.
From here, our feelings of family may encounter initial feelings of attraction again and can now be expressed in a communal environment. This is why Christian theology dictates we become family (through the ritual ceremony of marriage) before consummating our relationships. Precisely where puritanical thought is wrong: we must only have one ‘spouse’ that we engage sexually with.
There are no bounds to how far a family can grow. We find family everywhere we go in like-minded individuals who exhibit an understanding of our condition & support. So why must we limit ourselves to just one for this sacred action? If it is truly meaningful each time we indulge in the ecstasy of sex, why should it matter how many we share it with.
Christianity will have you believe that the sacred rite/act of sex becomes diluted with branching out past monogamy. This is a construct of male dominator style society, where jealousy rules over love and binds our wrists. Here I will quote the Buddha: “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened; happiness never decreases from being shared”. Substitute ‘love’ for ‘happiness’ and you’re on the way.
Until we become family, we cannot truly be lovers. We just have to learn to hold our hormones back with reason and discipline – for the same reasons that sexualizing people is so inappropriate, especially with strangers. When a loved one does it, it’s okay; playful and natural. When an individual in the acquaintance stage that you are attracted to in some manner sexualizes you or vice versa, the moment is intense – charged, because though the base attraction is there, the lack of empathy and understanding of the person perverts that chances of becoming family. This creates a dysfunctional family environment that, when pursued romantically, will create an equally dysfunctional relationship.
I truly believe that everyone is family, and likewise has the ability to knowledge this fact. It’s the matter of seeing the scenario conducive to the courage it takes to admit this.